Category Archives: Christmas

Argh! The “Holidaze” are here! HELP!

Wake up, people!

What are you waiting for?

Get your overcoats on! It’s time to go Hanukkah/Christmas Shopping!

Grab it now, before it all ends up in “Layaway!”

If you call yourself a p-p-p-patriot, you’d better get up off your sorry butt and do something to save the America Economy!

So get out there and heat up those credit cards!

And at night, when you’re dog-tired from fighting the masses, trying to get “just the right anatomically correct Barbie Doll” for that niece (or even that nephew in San Francisco)…

barbie-2009

… you can sit by the fire and ponder a whole new set of “seemingly improbable” (if you’ve been reading the WSJ) events like:

  • A virgin birth, and…
  • Some people rising from the dead, and…
  • How some fat old man can bring presents to every child on the planet in one night without ever being seen, and…
  • Why it is our duty as Americans to spend more than we can afford on presents for people that often don’t appreciate them, so that…
  • Multi-National conglomerates can pay obscene bonuses to people who never even begin to deserve them, while in order to pay for them… American taxpayers take it up the… um… er… never mind…
  • While our newly elected President gets the Nobel Peace Prize for surviving 14 days of the Presidency…

Oy… I’m getting a headache already…

    And the people say…

    Amen.

    the-lexinator

    My thanks to Julia B. who unknowingly contributed to this post… 😉
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    “The times, they are a changin…” Christmas!

    Remember way back when, when you were a kid, and “Santa’s Appearance” loomed large in your tiny little sugar fueled cranium? Well, do ya, punk?

    I remember wanting a bike, a new telescope, and something that didn’t resemble my mother’s cooking… anything. That woman couldn’t cook her way out of a paper bag!

    But folks, times are changing faster than you can say “Obama’s yo mama!”

    Kids just aren’t the same anymore. They used to want GI Joe’s, and Hot Wheels, and (gasp!) puppies. Now, they want guns, bombs, and weapons of mass destruction.

    And this means that even the Christmas Carols must change…

    “All I want for Christmas is my blued front peep (sight)…”

    And to think I can remember when Santa didn’t even approve of Red Rider BB Guns because, “You’ll shoot your eye out.”

    But fear not! Help is on the way! (Courtesy of the St. Louis Dispatch!)

    santa-approved-guns

    Happy Hunting, you little bastards! Oy Vay!

    Gotta go now, Rudolph needs basting…

    Ho-ho-ho!