Madonna’s new show?!

By Rebecca Brody
13:00, August 26th 2008

Madonna’s Political Beliefs – Part Of Her Own Show

Madonna proved once again that sparking controversy is definitely her thing.

Apparently, anything that “sparkles” is her thing. She’s a materialistic skank! Don’t you listen to her “music?”

No.  I pay good money to a protection agency to keep that noise away from me.  A large man in a dark suit follows me around and, at the first note of any Madonna song, he slaps a headset on me playing a random heavy metal number at peak volume.  He’s quite good at it.  So far I’ve only heard two consecutive notes of her “music.”

Is this that same loon that illegally “adopted” an “orphan” kid who already had a dad? Uh-oh…

That’s just plain scary!

Damn straight!  God, it looks like she could squeeze your dick off without working up a sweat.

I’d point out that it also looks like she’d enjoy it.

“The Undead” are like that. “Child-Stealing Undead” are much worse!

Relax! Her vagina has been pounded more than bread dough! It’ll be okay… But I suggest you wear a blindfold! And protection. Don’t forget protection. I suggest the “Third Marines.”

However, the Material Girl did not count on sex or religious issues this time, as she preferred to turn to politics.

Hell, she’s already pissed off the Catholics and the Jews! Who was left? The Scientologists?

I thought she was a Scientologist.

Nah, she was just scheming on Tom Ooze… um… er… Cruise.

You shouldn’t piss off “Jews.” They can hold a grudge for thousands of years, lemme tell you…

She is a Jew.

No, she isn’t a Jew. She was only foolin… to get attention.

Naw.  She’s into Kabbalah, so that makes her a Kabbalahwallaist.

Same thing, except crazy.

Are you implying that Kabbalists are “crazy?” Okay, that’s it. I’m putting you on “my list…”

Notwithstanding the fact that celebrities and political matters don’t really have common ground, the pop icon kicked off her Sticky & Sweet world tour on Saturday night lashing out at Senator John McCain.

More like the “Skanky and Stinky” tour. And she wasn’t exactly “lashing out,” she was thousands of miles away, using the Atlantic Ocean to hide behind.

She’s bigger than the Atlantic Ocean.  After all the times she’s been banged …

TMI! TMI! Ewwww!

Don’t even go there, and if you just must, use a condom.

Use two.  That’ll help with your little problem.

Forget that! Just use a telephone! You shouldn’t be in the same room with that skank!

And we’re sorry to hear about your “little problem.” Just remember,  “it ain’t the size of the boat, it’s the motion in the ocean!” So, what’s your “dinghy’s” name? Hmmm?

So, when it comes to Madonna, don’t; “Just Say NO!” Say; “Not Just NO!, But OH HELL NO!” Am I Right?

That surely drew some attention, I’d say.

Only from those kiss-ass brown-nosers at the tabloid media!

Well, the Grand Canyon draws a lot of attention too.

Similar sized “canyons” too…

I went to the Grand Canyon on vacation last year. That explains the smell, I thought it was the donkeys…

During her four-act show which took place in Millennium Stadium in Cardiff, Wales, Madonna chose to display a couple of political montages while performing “Get Stupid.”

More like “the three ringed circus…” And who better to perform “Get Stupid?” It was probably autobiographical.

Seriously, you can’t expect someone with her reputation to get shorty.

Are you sure? What was your “dinghy’s” name, again?

The much talked about video interlude included a sequence of images bringing together shocking representations of destruction and global warming on the one hand, and Nazi leader Adolf Hitler, Zimbabwe’s dictator Robert Mugabe and Senator John McCain, the presumptive Republican presidential candidate, on the other hand.

Yeah, what says “It’s hard being the President” better than pointing out all the evil bastards you face on a daily basis, as the ruler of the free world? She left out Sadaam Hussein, and Osama Bin Laden, though… Drat!

That was for tax purposes.  She’s dating them, so using their images would mean she’d have to cut them in on the royalties and pay their Social Security and health care.

Ah, I hate to break this to you but, SADAAM IS DEAD!

Of course he is, but Madonna has always had, well, rather odd taste in men.

Yeah!  She likes them stiff.

I’ve always known that Madonna was one of the “Undead.” So, it shouldn’t make a difference as long as they’re “stiff.”  Right?

Nevertheless, Madonna didn’t stop here. Another montage played later on in the show depicted slain Beatle John Lennon, environmental activist Al Gore, Mahatma Gandhi and alleged Democratic presidential candidate Senator Barack Obama all together.

And, again, another brilliant illustration! Madonna is a genius! She’s obviously demonstrating that Democrats are whining cry-babies who line their pockets with every “get rich” and ” global warming” scheme they can think of… And they do this, while wishing they were Gandhi! Because Gandhi didn’t pay income tax!

Were they singing “Kumbaya?”

Nope. I heard it was “Hakuna-Matata!” from “Lion King.”

That wasn’t very obvious, was it, Madonna? More than 40,000 fans were present at the singer’s show and, ready or not, they found out whose side Madonna was on.

She’s on “her” backside. Just ask A-Rod.

I heard they gave away free beer. Nothing attracts the Welsh, like free beer! See? Not even bad music will keep them away!

You’d think the beer would go bad by the end of the first song.

The Welsh don’t care. Ever eaten English food? It could be “bad,” and you’d never know it. It always tastes like that! Blah!

Obviously, John McCain’s people were not at all pleased with the superstar’s little games, finding the links offensive. “The comparisons are outrageous, unacceptable and crudely divisive all at the same time. It clearly shows that when it comes to supporting Barack Obama, his fellow worldwide celebrities refuse to consider any smear or attack off limits,” the senator’s spokesman Tucker Bounds said, as quoted by Fox News.

I think they give her too much credit. I think she was just manipulating the press to get some attention. I mean, really.  She’s become the poster child for “Man, I may be rich, but there isn’t enough money in the world to cure this much ugly.”

I don’t see the problem with being compared to Hitler.  Sure, after the syphilis and the drugs got to him, he turned into a real prick, but having a McHitler for President would sure make the Russians sing a different tune.  Really, Pootin will have President Obama kissing his KGB ass within a month.

In addition to this, the controversial comments went even further: “It’s a disappointing and vulgar attack on John McCain, who has devoted his life to the cause of freedom and the fight against tyranny,” Taylor Griffin, another spokesperson for the Republican said, according to the Los Angeles Times.

Well, to be fair, Taylor does get paid to say stuff like that.  But evidently, he’s got McCain confused with Batman… I bet Stan Lee sues him!

They should hire Peter Griffin.

The 50-year-old singer is known for her contentious and divisive shows, as she constantly uses disturbing videos or language in her concerts. For instance, she used images that offended the Catholic Church a few years ago and, on her last tour, she displayed Kabbalah images, thus upsetting Jews.

And don’t think she’s gonna get away with it, “zol dir platsn di gal!” Revenge is a dish best served “Ice Cold.”

Wait! That’s “Jewspeak” for; “May her gall bladder burst!” Right?

I seem to recall that she lost her gall bladder during a photo shoot for “Sex.”  She still has at least one kidney left, if you want to reword the curse.

That wasn’t her gall bladder, it was her diaphragm shooting out of her crotch! But, It’s in a lower orbit now, so don’t worry. NASA says it’ll probably burn up on re-entry…

Moreover, Madonna was involved in a verbal quarrel with renowned musician Elton John, who claimed that Guy Ritchie’s spouse lip-synched to music recordings while performing her so-called live acts. However, the star said that some of the yoga moves she made on stage were an impediment to live singing, giving Elton John the chance to say that fans did not pay to learn yoga, but to attend a singing concert.

And who knows more about music than the “King of Queens?” Huh? Go Elvis… er… um… Sir Elton!

Hey, I’d spend $150 to see a scantily clad, geriatric skant perfoming yoga, to a stinky beat… Wait, no I wouldn’t.

Her yoga moves are an impediment to my appetite.  God, I’ll never be able to eat fish again!

Man, this is better than Jenny Craig! Think of the weight we’ll lose! That means we can drink more beer!

Madonna’s latest show was split into four different parts: “gangsta pimp, rave, gypsy and old school.” Her stage outfits were selected from the 3,500 items of clothing reportedly created by 36 designers exclusively for the pop icon’s world tour.

That just goes to show you what lengths you have to go to, to try and look “presentable” when you’re “Madonna.”

Another bit of trivia is that she had to hire a full time accountant for the show, to make sure she consistently counted to 4 correctly.

And I heard that she still got it wrong! The accountant must have been a “Gentile.”

She is expected to perform in more than 50 locations, including 16 stages in Europe. The Sticky & Sweet Tour continues through Europe until the end of September and debuts in the United States on October 4 in New Jersey.

They’re really going to let her back in!?  Something tells me we’re going to regret this decision.

So, by the time she gets here, the “Sticky and Sweet” tour will have gone rancid. It’s Madonna, no one will be able to tell the difference.

Madonna is scheduled to perform in San Diego on November 4, Election Day.

“Marge! Get the rifle, and the hollow-points… We’re going hunting…”

Now, now!  None of that!  If you run around shooting all the skank celebrities we won’t have anything to write about.

Maybe not, but my side job as a “tombstone carver” is looking up! I’ll make her marker look like labia! That way, it won’t even need any name on it!

Can’t we just “wing” her a little bit? It’s not like anybody would know… She’s always on her back!


12 responses to “Madonna’s new show?!

  1. LMAO! This is so beyond the pale…I love it!

  2. Hi Annie,

    I look at it as therapy. It was also the only way, other than a large transfer of funds, to get Lexinator from sending me threatening emails.

    Mister Manly

  3. 😆 You’re such a nut…. thank God!!

  4. Hi Girly,

    Yes, I’m a nut. The real question, however, is what kind of nut? Personally, I hope it’s cashew, as they take more hands on attention, usually from cute exotic women, to process.

    Seriously, glad you like it. Lexinator and I have spent a good deal of time in email exchanges discussing the concept. It’s nice to know that our first swing at it landed somewhere in the ballpark.

    Mister Manly

  5. MM…

    I’m keepin an eye on “Girly.” I think she’s a (gasp!) shrink.

    And, she’s a tattletale. She blabbed about our clandestine Sunday Brunch, on her blog. The girl has no shame. I had to read it three times. And after all those requisite cold showers, I’m now clean-clean-clean! (But I feel so “dirty.”)

    Shrink or not, ain’t she cool? LOL!

    This is our “first swing?” I thought this was our “third strike!” I still think we’re gonna get “sued.” Good thing you “answer the door!”

    @ Girly — Thanks for “popping in,” Girly. I hate to break it to you, but MM isn’t a “Cashew.” More like a “Brazil nut.” He’s wild, untameable, and usually speaks gibberish only an person of aboriginal persuasion can understand. But, it confuses the hell out of process servers, the tax collector, and the cops, so we keep him around for laughs. LOL!

    So Girly, Welcome to the madness, even if you are a blabbermouth!

    Now git, before I sic the dogs on ya!

  6. Gawd, I hate Madonna.

  7. I’m laughing so hard right now!!

    I’m not a blabbermouth… I just like to brag.

  8. Hi L-man,

    I find it quite appropriate that I got around to replying to your comment just as the weekly test of our emergency siren system started. As to Brazil nut, hardly. I have no sense of rhythm, where dancing is concerned, and most people would pay good money NOT to see me in a thong.

    Hi Girly,

    Pay no attention to Lexinator. He’s been off his meds for months now, since he was fired from his last job for trying to hump his boss’s brief case without permission, and now he can’t afford the lithium the doctors say would keep him more or less sane. I’ve advised him to try sucking batteries, but he refuses on the grounds that they may not be kosher.

    Hi MJ,

    The majority of the voices in my head agree with you. All but one of the rest are interested in her potential as a sociological weapon against Muslim extremists. That last voice, I hate to say, has some sort of perverse crush on her, which I’m hoping is mostly because she’s filthy rich.

    Mister Manly

  9. Hey MM,

    I’m trying desperately to get that mental image (Hillbilly in a thong, doin the two-step) outta my head now. Thanks a bunch, you bastard! I’ll probably never sleep again!

    And I don’t think my ex-boss would appreciate you calling his mistress a “brief case.” She was still almost wearing her alligator print dress. I can see where you got confused…

    And I didn’t get “fired.” I was just “done.”

    I’m boycotting the lithium for political reasons… Any mind altering drugs I might ingest could affect my ability to rule.

    Plus, your idea to suck on batteries wasn’t very brilliant. After I had to get Heimliched, the expelled battery struck a by-stander, and now I’m being sued. Thanks again, you bastard…

    You house a “perverse crush on Madonna?” Ewww! That’s just not right! You’d better be careful, or you could catch something…

    (Me thinks MM needs the lithium…)

  10. Hi L-dude,

    Would it make you sleep better if I braided the excessive hair on my butt cheeks? Oh, and my parents were married, at least for a while. As for done, what, did your boss stick a fork in you? You should sue. As for batteries and the Heimlich maneuver, I’m surprised anyone bothered. It must have been someone who didn’t know you. Bets on what one act they’d change if offered a chance at time travel? As to voice #3 and his thing for Madonna, not to worry; he has to get a majority vote to do anything about it, and that’s a real long shot. Of course, he can be pretty persuasive, so if I quit answering my email and you see a news item about someone stalking Madonna…


  11. Okay MM…

    If your arms are actually long enough to allow you to braid your own butt-hair, you’ll only confirm my suspicion that you’re a “knuckle-dragger.” (Gawd, these horrible hillbilly mental images might kill me! Oy!)

    I’m glad your parents were married, if only for a short time. Which state is it that allows brothers and sisters to get married, again? Did you attend the wedding? Hmmmm?

    And, I was “done,” as in “ruining her for all other men.” At least that’s what it said in the complaint the judge read.

    And the boy scout that heimliched me was only in it for the merit badge, I suspect. Did you know you can’t subpoena a minor? All he needs is a note from his mommy saying “nope.”

    And don’t stand too close to Madonna… I got my “scope” on her… and it’s gonna make a mess…

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